reserveaspotinheaven.com

WERE ALIVE

heavenblog — Thu, 26 Mar 2009 02:54:25 +0000

Yes, we are still alive. Although we have been really busy with a lot of big changes we are still serving everyone. If anyone ordered a kit/kits and didn’t recieve anything then please e-mail us and we will sort it out for you. This recession really sucks but if anyone is looking for a cheap and unique gift idea then you know exactly what to get them. Reserved spots in Heaven! We are working on adding a small kit for pets and maybe a ‘heavenly stimulus kit’ which would be a cheaper alternative to our others. Stay tuned for more info later!

Slowly…

heavenblog — Sun, 17 Aug 2008 22:14:47 +0000

We got our first wholesale order which is pretty exciting (and it’s for a pretty big company). WOOOT! Anybody interested in buying wholesale please contact us at sales@reserveaspotinheaven.com

RIP George Carlin

heavenblog — Thu, 10 Jul 2008 00:09:49 +0000

Yah, it’s a little late, but oh wells. You will be missed.

Oh, and we aren’t anti religion or anything like that. We just thought this was funny.

changes

heavenblog — Sun, 11 May 2008 03:30:50 +0000

Some big changes coming soon. Stick around for details. Bout to be on tv some more too so check your local listings, haha.

And another one

heavenblog — Mon, 14 Apr 2008 09:47:39 +0000

We found another clone site, done poorly, as the rest have been. As usual I won’t post a link, but don’t bother searching for it, it’s basically non existent. I did some digging and the creators of the site actually bought two our kits, and it’s obvious when you look at what they are selling. Same formatting and style, ugly as hell though. Nice try though

There are some BIG things that could possibly be coming for Reserve A Spot In Heaven. I won’t talk about it just yet, but this is what my partner and I have been waiting for so if it goes through then it’s gonna be crazy. Stay tuned for more info later.

We Takin Over

heavenblog — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 22:03:34 +0000

Reserve A Spot In Heaven popped up in a Romanian Womans magazine recently.

I’m sure the site has been featured in other publications, we just don’t get them or hear about it, so if anyone sees us anywhere, please share it with us!

POEM

heavenblog — Sun, 16 Mar 2008 22:20:29 +0000

We had someone e-mail us a poem they wrote mentioning our ’service’, so I have to post it.

Confession

Forgive me, Father. My last confession was
too long ago. My sins are too numerous to mention.
However, if you could find it in your heart,
please talk to God and tell him not to give away
my place in Heaven. I don’t know when I’m coming,
but it would comfort me to know that I am wanted.

Every Friday I sat with classmates listening
as you said hell was simply a phone call away.
All I needed to do was deposit dimes in the lap
of the devil and my space would be reserved.

Please tell the devil that while I have occasionally
enjoyed the lavish comforts, I prefer the rent control
afterlife offered by heaven. I don’t really mind
the long staircase and the insufferably lengthy wait
at the gates, but my milky white skin hates the heat.

I know God can get pretty pissed off at times.
Remember New Orleans? or that tsunami?
or that Old Testament-style wrath and fury? I doubt
I’ll ever forgive him for Republicans.
God, why did you choose to make me fat?
Are you fat? Do you have to deal with
an ex-wife? Do you ever find yourself
hating your job? Why has my football team
never won a Super Bowl? I pray all the time.

Father, I wanted you to know that I paid
my $15.95 for my spot in heaven. I have framed
my heavenly issued certificate of reservation
registered in the Book of Light. I thought the
first class ticket to Heaven was a nice touch.
The Official Heaven Identification Card
and the Heaven 101 mini informational guide
will help me get used to the new surroundings.

My favorite, however, is the all-access VIP pass.
I’m looking forward to partying with the elite
in the Land of Milk and Honey, as well as kicking it
in the Thug Mansion. That is so fierce.

To be honest, eternal happiness sounds
a hundred times better than eternal damnation.
Knowing my sins are forgiven is a comfort.

Now, Father, if I should fall from grace,
you know, murder, adultery, greed, etc., etc., etc.,
I want to make sure the money back guarantee
still stands. I need to make a car payment.

We love it. Check out his myspace at www.myspace.com/burquepoet

Random Mail

heavenblog — Sun, 16 Mar 2008 22:18:12 +0000

Just some random e-mails (We have a lot of fans)

——
this shit is funny as hell but i gotta know…what the fuck are yall smokin and where do i buy that?
–
i’m a Bible college student and i just wanted to say that a friend told me about your site (through a link he had on his xanga– a link to some article) and it’s hilarious.

i’ll probably end up buying some reservations.

–
I had to write and say thank you. There is by far not enough humor in the world! I laughed better than i have in a long while ty.
Churches are probably just resentful of the fact that they didn’t think of it first, seems one guy in the article says you cant by your way into heaven, these hypocritical men of god cant ever seem to get enough for themselves though.
–
I love the ingenuity and steel nerve it takes to put something like this together.
I salute you
–
Don’t let the uptight idiots born without a sense of humor get you down. This is a clever idea. Will be buying some packets for Christmas gifts!
–
everything you are saying is totally wrong!! no one on this earth can buy or earn their way to heaven!! if you are truly “angels” you are obviously really bad ones considering you dont even know one thing in the bible! the only way to heaven is through jesus christ and if you dont believe that you’re the ones going to hell! u are the most evil people i have ever heard of and u are turning many innocent people that could truly go to heaven away from it! i hope you will stop this and ask god for forgiveness or you will be burning eternally! u are not heaven angels but hell demons!
–
Hi guys…all this stuff that people are saying negatively about your site is ridiculous. They are just jealous that they didn’t think of it first. I personally think it is a great idea. Good Marketing technique. I wish you the best!
–
I saw your story on KOMO-4 news….and laughed hysterically. I think your site is great…so great in fact that I’d almost spend the cash to get my very catholic stepsister a spot just to piss her off and offend her Awesome stuff for sure! However, do you have any plans for the Buddhist population? HAHAHAHHA! Great job, y’all! I really love it!
–
sickest thing in my life i have ever heard,once a person is dead that cant tell u f the made it in…God says all former things have passed away…..anywhooo///so sad,why dont u reserve ur spot in hell,cos that could be very well where u are going for leading people into this lie…
and be sure uknow its a greater damnation…
well oh well..u are a false person,and may God shut this page down…ur wrong,and u will see u are..
–
What a great site. You guys rock. I laughed my butt off (and being overweight, that’s a lot of laughs!!!).
–
why would you do something stupid like that you have no sense god dose not like it at all so i suggest that you STOP this right now not funny at all!!!!!!!
–
Honestly, you guys are fucking ridiculous.

Your idea is sick and dumber than anything.

Trying to make profit by promising people a spot in heaven is complete bullshit.

TV

heavenblog — Sun, 16 Mar 2008 22:09:06 +0000

Here’s a link to the promised tv appearance of us. Props to Komo for doing a good job on the editing and not making us look like hoodlums.

KOMO NEWS STORY-Click Watch Story to see the video that aired

Also, to anyone who has ordered HELL packages. There is a slight delay, but they will go out this week. Pictures will also be up this week on the hell website of the packages. Thanks!

Competition

heavenblog — Wed, 27 Feb 2008 03:25:42 +0000

It has come to our attention that we have some MAJOR competition! The thing is though..we are the ORIGINAL and ONLY authorized entity to officially reserve your place in Heaven (or Hell if you go through our partners). Here’s an enlightening e-mail…

————-
Dear Reserve A Spot in Heaven.com

I’m afraid to say that I have found a better offer elsewhere to reserve my spot. There is some guy, who has been around for a good 2000 years now, who has personally reserved me a spot. You see, the flaw in your product is that sin has been ignored - a problematic barrier for entry, and refusal at the pearly gates, for getting into heaven (probably explains the long queuing hours, due to so many peoples lives having to be analysed for sin). However Jesus has taken away my sin, defeated the power of death by rising from the grave, and so my belief in him has secured my place in heaven for his price, not yours. I have to pay nothing, Jesus has paid my price already.

I would also like to thak you for your website - it is a source of great humour for me, and will also be the source by example of the next worship session at my university Christian fellowship, which i am personally leading, to praise God for paying our price for us.

I’m afraid the competition is too great for you - Somebody is offering it for free, and as a management student, and also having had some experience in e-commerce, you will not be able to compete with the competition, as you will no doubt have expenses to pay on the website (and no additional advertising on your site is producing revenue), and as a result to reduce your price down to free would send your business into a loss. God, I’m afraid to inform you, has easily claimed the monopoly on the “entry to Heaven” market, and you simply cannot compete. What you could do is go to your local church and ask your local pastor how to obtain the free gift that God offers, rather than use your own. (which, as I have already explained, is ineffective due to the fact that your product is incapable of removing sin, the key barrier to getting into heaven.)

I wish you good luck in finding out about your competition, and God bless you!

———
The only thing I see wrong with this ‘competition’ is..they don’t give you reservation documents (kit), it’s not guaranteed and it requires A LOT of work and dedication. Why waste time when you can send us a few bucks and WHAMO you’re set for life? Haha, as you can see we’re just having some fun with this. People need to learn to either read or get a sense of humor.

Oh we we had a blurp in DETAILS magazine (March 2008 issue). Check it out below.